we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
