do herpes really smell.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
