his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
