Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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