I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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