they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
