Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
