She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
