I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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