im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
