I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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