...so i touched it.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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