I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
