i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
