well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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