He is an equal opportunity slut.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
