Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
