New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
