its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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