you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
