Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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