Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
