I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize