i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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