I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
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I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
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I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
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