I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
