I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
