How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
