i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
