how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
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By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
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I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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