Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
