Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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