AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
