You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
