Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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