Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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