Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
