hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
