I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
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