apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
jump out the window naked night went bad
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
