Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
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You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
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He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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