I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
