her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
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I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
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I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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