My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I could make wine with my vomit
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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