My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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