Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
