it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
worst night to have a conscience
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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