Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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