I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
