you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
