Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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