I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
