just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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