Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
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There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
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The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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