Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
