btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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