hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My bed smells like the plague
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
