two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
