My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Randomize
