I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
